Monday, March 21, 2016

New Phone App makes life easy for anti-Zionists*


The Palestine Solidarity Committee has today issued the following important press release:

"We are delighted to announce the launch of a free app - ZIO-ATTACK - for all pro-Palestinian activists, that will ensure anybody can now maintain a very active social media presence with no effort at all. The app gives users the following options so they can do what all anti-Zionist activists currently have to do manually, namely:
 

- Attack 
- Lie 
- Cheat
- Bully
- Abuse
 

In each case the app automatically creates tweets, Facebook messages, emails and even full articles.  So within minutes of downloading you can be harrassing and insulting Jews Zionists everywhere.

The app enables people with no knowledge whatsoever of the Middle East to promote the anti-Zionist narrative with ferocity (not that it stopped anybody before!!). You will never again have to waste time trying to find out anything about what is really going on, because this app automatically generates the truth for you! 



Features include:
  • Automatically post the response "This is just Zionist lies. For truth see <link to PSC website>" on every online report that mentions acts of Palestinian 'terrorism' or Israeli 'deaths'. 
  • Scan the web for graphic images of dead children and bombed cities anywhere in the world and automatically post it to all media outlets with a randomly generated title based on the expressions "What Israel just did to the Palestinians", "Another Israel Massacre", "Zionists target Palestinian babies".
  • Automatically find well written stories about Jewish history and suffering and replace every occurrence of the word Jewish with Palestinian and every occurrence of the word Israel with Palestine.
  • At the touch of a button generate a unique email message that incorporates the statements  "Zionist occupation", "Israel war criminals", "Stop Israel killing Palestinian children"  to be automatically sent to 250,000 email addresses including every MP.
  • At the touch of a button the app will find ever pro-Zionist facebook and twitter message written in the last 24 hours and generate a random response using the expressions "Baby killer" "Fascist Liar", "ZioNazi pig",  "Colonial Occupier".
  • Automatically retweet every new message by George Galloway, Ayatollah Khameini, Ismael Haniye and Hassan Nasrallah
  • Automatically replace the word Jew with Zionist any time you accidentally type it so that nobody can ever accuse you of anti-Semitism. 
Endorsements:
  • Heroic anti-Zionist blogger Richard Silverstein: "This app is remarkable in the way it simulates precisely my online behaviour."
  • Baroness Warsi: "This app is a life-saver for me personally, although I am not sure now how I will now spend all my time."
  • Yasmin Alibi Brown: "Wonderful app. It will now enable me to spend even more time writing feature articles where I can equate Zionism with Nazism."
  • Jeremy Corbyn: "I am mandating this app for every member of the Labour party, as it will enable them to spend more of their time physically attacking Zionists".
  • Yachad: "Many of our members have already been using the app and are delighted with the results".
  • Board of Deputies: "While we do not endorse this app, we believe it may well help to achieve the two-state solution that we are all dedicated to"
The Palestine Solidarity Committee gratefully acknowledges grants to the value of $382 million that were used to develop this important app in the fight against Zionist tyranny (from the UK Overseas Aid Budget, the United Nations, the EU Special Fund for Israel Demonization, and the Islamic republic of Iran.). 

*Purim, 2016
Also posted on Free Palestine Now

5 comments:

Sheri Oz said...

Happy Purim to you too. This is a good one.

Edgar Davidson said...

Sheri Oz: Thanks!

Bonnie Prince Charlie said...

Thanks, Edgar. But is it only a matter of time before it becomes a reality?????

Edgar Davidson said...

Bonnie Prince Charlie: They are probably working on it now...

robert davis said...

Anti Zionists are so stupid all they can do is LIE and shoot their own heads. This app will help them shoot their heads. GOOD!