Breaking News:The Iran Deal in Full

• The P5+1 (the United States, United Kingdom, Germany, France, Russia, and China, facilitated by the European Union) are convinced that only non-military solutions can stop Iran building nuclear weapons, just as only non-military solutions finally stopped the Nazis.
• The P5+1 are convinced that tough sanctions cannot stop Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon, and that in any case these sanctions are costing European companies billions in lost business opportunities with the Iranian regime.
• Hence the P5+1 believe an alternative strategy of positive incentives to Iran is the best way forward.
• The P5+1 therefore agrees to immediately drop all sanctions against Iran, but with the strict condition that this will be reviewed - and could even be reversed - as early as May 2040
• The P5+1 will provide $100billion in aid to the beleaguered Iranian Revolutionary Guards fighting heroically to preserve democracy in Syria, Lebanon and Gaza, and a further $200 billion to help Iran develop nuclear reactors for peaceful energy use only. The latter is clearly needed since Iran's natural energy reserves are minimal (they only have the second largest oil reserves in the world and only the third largest gas reserves in the world). Indeed, without the alternative of nuclear energy Iran - in less than 1,563,290 years - will be unable to meet the energy demands of its own population.

In response Iran commits to the following tough conditions for a minimum period of 3 months

• Iran promises to develop no nuclear weapons capable of hitting any country, providing that country is recognised by the Islamic Republic of Iran. 
• To ensure compliance Iran promises to allow IAEA inspectors to stay in the best hotels in Iran. All requests to visit nuclear sites will be carefully considered by the Ayatollah Khameni and the Al Quds forces. 
• Iran will telephone Catherine Ashton every week to assure her of Iran's compliance with its commitments
• Iran promises that once its embassies are reopened they will be used to educate the local population about the world Zionist threat and will also help eliminate local Zionists.

The P5+1 have also assured Iran that any attempt by any country with a Jewish majority to compromise this glorious deal, will be considered a crime against humanity and will result in comprehensive sanctions against that country.