Exclusive: Obama's new security measures to combat ISIS and international terrorism

Following his speech last week declaring that ISIS and Islamic terrorism had nothing to do with Islam and that it was impossible for Muslims to be terrorists as it was forbidden by the holy Koran, President Obama has issued new guidelines to Homeland Security to combat ISIS and international terrorism. In a statement at the White House the President announced

Since 2012 I already made it illegal for the FBI and state authorities to profile Muslims as potential terrorists, as this was clearly racist and counter-productive. Now that we know it is actually impossible for Muslims to be terrorists we are taking the next logical step and making it mandatory to profile all non-Muslims. In short anybody who is clearly non-Muslim must be regarded as a potential terrorist since 100% of all acts of terrorism are, by definition, committed by non-Muslims. 

Later, in a White House Press Briefing an ignorant and obviously racist Fox News reporter asked  the brilliant White House foreign affairs spokesman Mari Harf how the new policy could be justified when 285,637 of the last 285,638 terrorist attacks had been carried out by Muslims in the name Allah. With characteristic incisive brilliance. Harf responded:

 Those  attacks were not only clearly un-Islamic, but the real victims were the attackers, who only became un-Islamic terrorists as a result of  US and EU tax payers failing to provide them with decent job opportunities.

The White House's other talented and brilliant spokesmen Jen Psaki provided further clarification when she later said:

Several thousand of those un-Islamic attacks were completely random attacks whose victims - other than the un-Islamic attackers - just so happened to involve people whose religion was of a type that we cannot mention in case it offends Muslims. All we can say is that the religion in question is associated with the State of Israel, which by refusing to relinquish its territory to the peaceful Palestinians of Hamas clearly brought this on themselves. Hence these cannot even be classified as terrorist attacks at all.

*Satire -  but not really much different to what Obama, Harf and Psaki have actually said in the last two weeks.

See also:
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Obama dispenses with Israel
If World War 2 had been conducted like this